Grandmother Spider

As a newly practicing shamanic practitioner, I have felt pulled toward this Path and encouraged to walk it because I was told by my mentors and by personal shamanic journeys that I had the "Shamanic Illness." I was recently beside myself when I journeyed to the deer tick that bit me and inflicted me with my "illness" three and a half years ago which has recently and finally been diagnosed as chronic Lyme Disease, though I did not know at the time that I was ever bitten.

In a previous journey, months before I was diagnosed with Lyme, I asked what was the root cause of my illness. My Spirit Teacher brought me a big white box, with a red ribbon. I untied the ribbon, and out came this HUGE tick. I was frightened, and as my teacher sensed I was not ready, I was brought back to my body.

In this recent journey, I intended to meet this tick again. I wanted to ask the tick what great teachings it would bring me or would be bringing me. This time a few Spirit Teachers met me, and were talking to me, merging with me and giving me revelations and enlightenment and ~ great teachings.

Suddenly, I was brought to the huge tick! I had forgotten that I had previously asked to speak to it! It began crawling on my head and then appeared bigger than my own head...  Later, I found this very interesting. In shamanism, the thinking mind is never something to be revered.

But at that moment in the journey, I was so frightened! Then, one of my Spirit Teachers said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." I told him Roosevelt said that, but he argued that gave that to him. He said that the tick is another form of Grandmother Spider.

In most indigenous cultures, Grandmother Spider or Spider Woman, is a goddess of creation, spinning the Web we are all connected to and with. There are many, many stories reflecting her power and ancient knowledge, each giving different accounts of how Spider came to be and how she interacts with us.

The tick changed her shape to a large Black Spider... and spoke!

Her voice was ancient, whispy and crackly, "I am Grandmother Spider, in one of my forms before you."

"Why did you bite me?" I asked.

"I bite many people, hoping they will see. I am pleased that you see now."

She saw that I did not believe what she was saying. "Why me?" I asked.

"It was your Path," she answered. "You were not listening before your Calling and needed the Sacred Bite of Grandmother to wake up! You were among the many who sleep. There are many who choose to sleep.

"I know your Path has been a difficult awakening, and still as your eyes are widened, illusions will fall and you will see things as they truly are. It is not an easy Path to walk. But you are among the strong. I had great hope for you and still do - because you became stronger and you called on us, the Spirits."

"No," I said, "the Spirits called me and I thought I was going crazy."

"You asked for help and we answered. But, as you know now, you were never crazy. There are many who kill, steal, cheat, rape, lie and form their lives around material possesions, greed and hurting themselves and others. That is crazy. When the white man with their ways saw the natives ones of the Plains dancing their Ghost Dance, which honored the Ancestors passed, the white people judged them and massacred them, then boxed them in and changed their culture. Now that is crazy.

Don't you know I am smarter than humankind? I am wiser and more ancient! I have survived longer through more turns of weather and meteors!

That bacteria in your body is ancient and more intelligent than humankind! Humans are so young and naive, thinking they rule this Earth, but I tell you it is the ones who honor this Earth who will endure. You have been given Sacred Knowledge. Go with this and know it is Truth."

Later, I merged with Grandmother Tick/Spider in my transfiguration work. She changed to a lavender woman holding golden chords in her hands. It was the entire cosmos with the stars, planets and celestial bodies moving through it as she held out her long fingers. I could sense the Gift of Everything she held before me.

"See?" she said. "I knew you would 'see' it."

I basked in knowing her Gift of Everything for me is the Sweetness of the Journey I have gone through - the gain of so much knowledge, spiritual growth, Love from new friends and the turn of some relationships I had previously given up on. She also gives me the Bitterness of Physical Pain and Loss of Everything - tremendous physical pain some days and inability to walk on some occasions. The loss of my previous job, my home, many "friends" - of which now I realize were such necessary changes for me to transition to my present state. She also holds the Mystery of the Cosmos and my connection to everything that has a Spirit. Most of all, she has taught me to be able to surrender to the Cosmos - as it always knows what is for my Highest Good more than I can imagine.

Grandmother sang and her energy was sweet and warm now. I could feel how ancient she was and her compassion ran deep. She song so healing, I cried the entire time.

It was a Wheelchair Weekend

Having been given a new dose of Plaquenil for Stage III (chronic) Lyme Disease, I was having severe symptoms last week after only six days. My LLMD (that's Lyme Literate Doctor) prescribed this to me as I was beginning to have tremors that resembled my symptoms that I experienced back in 2009. During this time, I was evaluated at Nursing Home Level of Care, needing a wheelchair most of the time. Although I have gotten exponentially better and seldom need even a walker, I have been taking teasel root tinctures and Unda numbers for seven months now. I have learned that as you there is a die-off of the spirochetes, it releases neurotoxins that must be released. So, while on antibiotic therapy, it is imperative to detox as well. With the Plaquenil, which is an anti-malarial drug, the Lyme spirochetes were dying off too quickly for my body to get rid of them. My symptoms are now back to where they were at Nursing Level of Care. I have not sat in that wheelchair for two years, and I am now returning to it. But I know it is temporary, and only a symptom during my healing process.

The first symptom I noticed when I first popped Plaquenil down the hatch was a buzzing in my head within 15 minutes. I felt dizzy like the room was spinning. The second symptom I noticed was the aching in my stomach after I had taken the dose, and this did not appear to me until after a few doses. By the third day, I grew incredibly exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep. This was a throwback to when I first contracted Lyme back in 2007. I grew too tired to notice or even care about the crazy acne outbursts, hives, lower GI issues and seeing bright light flashes. Then the cognitive fog began to weave its way into my thought processes until word processing regarding speech diction and even not being able to think of a particular word began to resurface... and is still affecting the writing of this blog.

Most noticeable to others: the increase of tremors, which is exactly the opposite of why my LLMD prescribed this stuff in the first place. Of course, the brain fog is the worst because you are not as aware as you would be go notice what is happening to you. But as they grew worse, the tremors were starting to become worse than they had ever been, sending shock-like electric pulse waves down my spine and hips, causing my thighs to "clap" together forcefully, painfully. My right wrist and hand twisting inwardly repeatedly and pulsing, twitching, shaking. This would go on repeatedly throughout the day, exhausting my muscles in contractions, the pain becoming so strong I would pass out, only to be woken up by the same twitches and convulsing. Neurontin is the only thing that calms this down, however, medical science does not know how this medicine works.

Although I had called my LLMD had he told me that the Plaquenil seemed to strong for me right now and to discontinue, it seemed to be still killing off the spirochetes. He told me to take sarsaparilla, which would give me the additional help to clarify the blood and help with the liver and kidney to detox the bacteria out of my body. But within one week I was in that wheelchair again.

Today, Sunday, the pain in my hips from the tremors is rather strong. My mother used a heated massager on my hip and low back area. During this time, my tremors increased dramatically, but the massage felt so relieving I began to cry. The trade-off is that my hip muscles seem to have relaxed so much that they are not firing at all. I tried to make it to the bathroom and needed help from both of my folks. So, it's back to the darn wheelchair today.

Who knew that after 3.5 years the diagnosis I so hoped for would be so anticlimactic and the healing would be like walking on coals... all over again?


But I know this time I can do it. If I made it this far, I can do ANYTHING.